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Attention all readers
Attention all listeners
Join my contest today
I'm searching for a brand new moniker
My old one I'm throwing away
Attention all readers
Attention all listeners
If you want to win fortune and fame
Please give me a brand new label
A more dignified, complimentary name
One that doesn't refer to the blemishes that protrude from my face
Or at least one that puts them in a good light so I don't feel a disgrace
One that doesn't refer to my relatives as if we're an ignoble lot
One that instead emphasizes the overlooked positive qualities I've got
Like my gentle manner, my shy unobtrusive way
Like my humble habit before eating of kneeling down to pray
Maybe one that refers to my shapely derriere
Or the spring I've got in my tail, or my slick gray beard and hair
If you tag me with a new designation, I'll be forever grateful to you
Please, anything other than my current title would more than nicely do
And I'm sure you'd like to know if you win what you'll get for a prize
Maybe I'll dig you up a root with my tusks - or some other similar surprise
Attention all readers
Attention all listeners
Send your entry in today
For there'll be no surprise for any who delay!
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